Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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