My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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