If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
