hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
