I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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