Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
