her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
