im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
