i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
