apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
