Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
