am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Vodka?
Forever.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
