if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
