why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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