Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
