we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
