How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
