Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
