you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
