Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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