I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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