Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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