what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
