And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
