Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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