Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
