i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
