Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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