I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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