Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
