I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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