Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
is that a dick in a sweater?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
