Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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