if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The adults are the big ones right?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
