hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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