why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
