I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
