i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
