remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
