im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
