I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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