I wish you could order shots online.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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