What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
