yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
