Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I faked an abortion last night.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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