Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
