I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
