planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
