he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm sobbing to NWA
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