Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
