i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
